I'm Still Seventeen or Older, Apple
January 27th, 2010
I love my iPhone. It just can't believe I'm 30 years old despite me repeatedly telling it otherwise. Continually misjudging me for a 16 year old is slightly less flattering than say a 25 year old, at least for me. I'd like to think of myself as fully developed but as my youth slips away that distinction matters less.
Apple, always attuned to workflow efficiency, couldn't have designed a better dialog. Microsoft might have placed the affected apps in one list that appeared at the start of an upgrade. Linux, well pacman and apt-get at least, aren't polished enough to even confirm my age! That's something Linux needs to fix if it ever wants to be taken seriously. Meanwhile Apple makes the dialog appear several times over the duration of an update process, presumably to accentuate the compliment. They even pause the update to make sure I get the message and unimportant details, like which app is affected, are subdued for a simpler interface.
One way to improve the feature for maximum flattery would default to age 25 for men and age 20 for women. Unfortunately the iPhone is callously insensitive to gender when it comes to detecting perverse material, both in the binary sense and in the liberal high-dimensional, continuous-field kind of gender. Usually only naked people and bloody murder are considered inappropriate for children. The iPhone detects a much wider set of perversions and four of my apps are deemed perverse. Could it be the Shakespeare ereader? Could it be the weather apps? Apple opts not to show the name of the perverse app in the dialog. It's simpler and it protects the children from knowledge, instant messages, clouds, and music.
I'm still 30 years old, which is greater than 17. Time hasn't reversed since the last dialog. Either Apple doubts these facts or it just likes flattering me. I think it's the latter. Thank you, Apple!
on February 6th, 2010 at 11:55 AM
two thumbs up
on May 23rd, 2011 at 03:51 PM
I’m like twelve so I just fake that shit, but I think the scenario is similar to when you order restaurant at a bar where you’re a regular at and the waiter has to card you anyways because the manager is breathing down his back. So I don’t mind this because you never know when some 5 year old will hack your iphone password and buy the latest karma sutra app. The thing that bugs the shit out of me is apple not telling you, that you’ve ALREADY purchased it and then you realize you’ve just blown 5 bucks on ANGRY BOIDZ.
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